Relationships

My name is Helen and I am 33 years old and I live in the UK. I have been following your posts for some time now and feel that you might be the right person to help me. 

I'm married to a wonderful guy for the past 4 years, but our relationship is not going anywhere. It's as if we are just roommates and live 2 separate lives.

I'm writing to you because I have recently met another man, with whom I have a lot more in common and we have started seeing each other. I feel guilty that I'm doing this to my husband, but I'm not ready to break up with him, because I still have feelings for him. 

What do you advise?

HM

Dear Helen 

Thank you for your message :)

As sentient human beings we are able to love more than 1 person at a time and this love manifests in different ways for each person. It is society that puts restrictions on how many people we can love!

Having said this, it is very important that our relationships are out in the open and not secret and that all parties concerned are in agreement with what's happening. If they are in agreement, then there is no problem and there will be no guilt.

The challenge is always to be honest and upfront about what is happening.

Ask yourself the following question:

Do I see myself with my husband in a year's time?

If your answer is yes, then it would be best if you talked with him about your 'stagnant' relationship and how you can move it forward (like running water) and also be honest about your feelings for another man.

If your answer is no, then it would be best to end the marriage now, because it is not fair on your husband. In a way it would be as if you're using him until you figure out what you want!

Whatever you decide to do, just be honest and loving to all parties, including yourself 

coach annie