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Sunday, 10 November 2013

You can do it


Hi Annie, I am Margarita from Limassol and i would like your advise. I was in a relationship (for 5 months) with someone 7 years younger I am 51 and he is 44. He never married and has no children and i am divorced and have 2 grown up children. We are very much in love but at first we both accepted the fact that it was probably not going anywhere but we kept seeing each other just to....live it.
But after 3 months together we both knew that this was a really special relationship. I wanted more, wanted to feel safe, wanted an agreement (between us) that what we have is serious and not going to end soon.... I wanted reassurance that he would stay with me and that having a family was not in his plans. It took him a month of thinking it over and finally said that yes all he wants is me, he loves me and wants to be with me and that he is not thinking about children e.t.c.
A few days ago a family member of his found out about the relationship and from what i understand did not like it (typical old fashioned Cypriot family) and i believe that they tried to change his mind regarding me.He is very attached to them. For the last few days we were apart due to a misunderstanding (not related to this) and when we met to discuss it he says that he changed his mind and that he does not want a "serious" relationship with me but prefers something more "loose". I was so surprised and i told him i cannot accept it and i left very calmly (i broke it off). I felt that instead of going forward we would be going backwards and my dignity would not allow it.
I feel i am doing the right thing to end it even though i love him. I believe that if he loves me he should rethink his decision based on his feelings and not let anyone stand in the way.
What do you think Annie? I am asking you even though i will not be changing my decision but i need to hear it also from you. Thanks a lot and keep up the good work!!!!!

Dear Margarita
Thank you for your question
Everything in our life happens for a reason and usually it is for learning a lesson. People come into our life so that they can help us learn this particular lesson, whatever it might be. And when the time comes those people will leave.
What matters is not to 'blame' or 'hate' the person that brought us the lesson, but to focus on the lesson itself and grow from it.
All of our relationships, whether they be family, friends or intimate relationships have an expiry date, either through death or separation. Some last a lifetime and other only last a few minutes! They are all equally important in our life. They just have different roles to play and different lessons to teach us.
There is no right or wrong choice, whether you get back together or not. Each choice will give you an experience and a lesson.
So be happy and grateful that you had this experience and move forward to the next chapter in your life, with love and gratitude! And don't forget to use the support system that you have around you, which are called family and friends!
Hold your head up high and smile 

Annie Pattichi
Transformational Life Coach